When Two Become One

Column by Tonya Domokos

She missed his companionship most of all.

I can’t seem to get her response to my simple question out of my head.

I was assigned to do the “street talk” for the Valentine’s Day special in the local paper. So I was out looking for innocent victims to interview.

I found her in a church quilting.

 There were several older women there that day. And I thought, “Jackpot, who better to ask how to keep romance in a marriage than women who have been married for years.” And as I suspected they were a pool of wisdom, but I noticed one woman never answered so I approached her in the corner of the room where she was ironing one of the baby blankets they were making.  Her response still rings in my ears,  “ We did everything together. He was my best friend.  He would never sit down and watch television until he had helped me clean up the dishes then we would sit down together and tell each other about our days,” she said quietly. She went on to tell me she lost her husband nine years ago and she still misses his companionship. Her advise for keeping romance alive in a relationship; be friends, do things together even if it’s washing the dishes and enjoy the time you have with each other because you not promised another tomorrow together.

 As I lie awake in bed listening to my husband’s steady breathing I begin to think about what she said and I begin to thank God for him. Then another thought hits me and I realize how thankful I am that I can even feel thankfulness for him. 

The last three weeks have been an extremely trying time in our marriage. I can’t remember a thing we have agreed on during this time and our irritation levels peak out during the first week.

I was irritated at how he disciplined our son, how he washed dishes, how he worked on his motorcycle and especially how he tried to handle my work relations. 

While he on the other hand was irritated at me for the way I never stood up for myself, at how I can’t say no to anyone so I’m always busy. How my mind is constantly on the next story, the next lead and especially how the police scanner has an uncanny knack of going off in the most inappropriate times. And even though I try not to listen when it does, it’s like he can see my ears perk up and the mood is somewhat lost. But even with all the problems we have had in the last weeks, I can still look at him and be thankful for him because I never once doubted his love for me during the troubled times. I never feared his anger would escalate out of control and it never crossed my mind he would turn to someone else.

But when I think about that wise woman’s advise I realized we wasted days in anger and how easy it is to take the person you love the most for granted.  While I was being irritated at how he washed the dishes I completely overlooked the fact that HE WASHED THE DISHES.  And he did it without being asked so I could work on a story.  I should be thankful for a father who is interested enough in his child to discipline him and his misplaced anger at my working relations only stemmed from his desire to protect me.  As for his motorcycle- at least his hobby keeps him close to home.

So I lie awake at 4:30 a.m. listening to him breath and yes, I am mighty thankful for the man, my best friend that God gave me to love.